Single Motherhood: My Story – Part 1
I want to share my story as a single mother, maybe an initially pathetic one. But which single mother doesn’t have a sad tale? I don’t think the ideal is to do parenting all by ourselves, right? But, when you get there, you quickly realize you gotta do what you gotta do to ‘survive’… If thriving follows then that’s a big hurray. So let’s get going. It’s all about inspiring and motivating each other out here, right?
Hello, ladies. You see the above picture, yes, it looks cute. It was taken at the beginning of this year. And well, it’s been and still is such a journey for me and my boys (they have recently graduated to teammates).
Raised by a Single mother too
Is it true that what goes around comes around? That we are definitely impacted and largely defined by our past than our present? It’s not like all those raised by a single mother end up being single mothers. My kid sister is not a single mother by the way.
But, I think I learned more about raising kids on your own and fighting to survive, and not take ‘shit’ from a spouse from my own upbringing. Maybe, that is why I quickly got disillusioned in my own marriage. And disappeared one day, leaving even those boys behind in the ‘house’. Yes, you can imagine how messed up I was then. I weighed 115kgs if my weight can be any indication.
A Transcontinental Mother
“What do you think this is? Who dares brand herself one? Tell me how you go about this? Can you suckle a baby as such? Can you soothe some tears? Tell me how you can clean a bruise? For goodness sake, what kind of species is this?”
Those are some lines of a poem I wrote in May 2014, three years into my transcontinental mothering, whatever that is. Oh my, that period of my life was … I don’t know what to write about all that went on in me, how I tried to stay sane, keep afloat and reach out to my boys amidst all their dad tried to do and not do.
I recall learning how to rethink my expectations of myself as a mother, and how to relate with my boys spiritually above all else. Sometimes, I only managed to speak with them after two weeks. Initially, when I left, I was deprived of talking to them for seven good months.
Today, it’s simply amazing where we are all at.
The challenges sometimes seemed insurmountable and the moments of joy were fleeting. I tried to visit my country once a year and fought to get them with me throughout my stay. Sometimes it worked out, other times I got only a weekend.
I dealt with a lot of shame, guilt, and remorse. I sunk real low and had to see a psychotherapist and take some medication for depression and insomnia. Gladly anyway, I always met good people on my path and above all I started blogging. Through blogging and publishing my memoirs, I have come to meet so many people, read so many stories and learn just so much.
Four years after I fled my country, I decided I was ready to go back and face my destiny. I was surely still going to be a single mother, but I had to try to make it an amazing experience for the boys and me.
Part 2 is going to be about the other part of my single mother’s journey, the joys and the challenges – the gradual transformation of our house into a home… Stay subscribed.