When you first fall in love, apart from wanting to spend 24/7 with your man, you both share good communication skills. Finding things to talk about is easy. Communication bonds you together. Talking is one of the highlights of your
I used to talk on the phone sometimes till 2 or 3 a.m. I remember falling asleep in the middle of conversations. When I didn’t respond he would ask, “June, are you sleeping?” I would pretend that I wasn’t and reply, “No! I’m awake. I was just listening to what you were saying.”
When I wasn’t chatting on the phone, I was texting him. Sometimes I didn’t even have anything to talk about. I just wanted to hear his voice. So, I would call to tell him that I miss him!
Falling in love is sweet. But it can also turn sour after a while.
They say ‘love is blind.’ There’s definitely some truth in that. After the lovey-dovey honeymoon period fades, and the blinkers come off, then what?
One of the first things to spoil a relationship is the breakdown of good communication skills that was there in the early stages. How many times have you heard about a couple not getting on and one of them says, “He doesn’t talk to me any more like he used to!” If you don’t or can’t talk to each other, you’ll end up doing your own thing. Not only will resentment creep in, but not communicating will create a big gap between you.
How do you keep up good communication skills so that your relationship stays alive and healthy?
Always tell your partner how you are feeling
A good heart-to-heart chat will do wonders for your relationship. If something is bothering you, walking around sulking won’t make your man know how you’re feeling. He can’t read your mind. Let him into your world. Tell him what is on your mind. Share your problems with him.
True love is when you trust your partner enough to open up to him. If you open up to him, he’s more likely to do the same to you. Anyway, how can you work out your problems together if you shut him out? When you bottle up angry feelings, you could explode during an argument and say nasty things. Once you’ve said it, you can’t take it back. It’s best to sit down with your man and talk to him. You’ll feel better for telling him how you feel, and getting it off your chest.
Good communication involves active listening
Sometimes when you’re supposed to listen, your mind is busy thinking about things that are not even connected to the conversation taking place. Active listening is concentrating so you understand what your partner is saying.
A good listener doesn’t interrupt her partner when he’s talking, by throwing in her opinions or criticising. Wait until he finishes what he has to say before you speak. Don’t judge him, laugh at him, or make him feel that his conversation isn’t important. You might not like what he has to say sometimes, but respecting his opinion is part of good communication. Treat your man how you would like him to treat you.
It is possible to train yourself to develop active listening skills. This will improve good communication between you.
Men and women communicate differently
Our parents raise some of us to believe that certain types of behaviours or the way we show our emotions are wrong. Most men grow up believing that their role is to be strong, macho and aggressive. They feel that if they show sentiments such as crying, fear or vulnerability it will make them less of a man.
Women are generally raised to show soft emotions. We’re not encouraged to show anger or aggression.
Therefore, men and women think that how they feel and act is acceptable. But being an all-round person, is allowing yourself to feel and demonstrate all of those emotions.
If you think it’s bad to show the emotions that you believe you shouldn’t, you will bury and internalise them. Men who suppress fear and weakness will show anger instead. The woman who fears getting angry will cry and get depressed. Those emotions must be released somehow.
It’s only when you know who you are, that you’re able to explain your true feelings to your partner. Sharing your feelings will help to understand each other better. Good communication habits can become part of your daily life. But you need to always make an effort to talk to each other, even when you don’t feel like it.
“Communication works for those who work at it.” ~ John Powell
Photo credit: Ambro