Is it Freaky to Be a Virgin?
Would you sacrifice your sexuality for a dead man? I had a friend who stayed a virgin till she died at 84. She denied herself the pleasure of having an intimate relationship, because she didn’t want to betray her dead fiancé. The heart-breaking thing is that he died when she was 18, during World War 2. Strangely, she managed to keep him alive in her mind for 65 years.
Was She For Real?
She was a woman with strong principles. When she spoke about the past she always referred to it as ‘back in my day.’ She painted me a picture about how life was when she was a teenager. When a boy and girl went out on dates, there was no kissing or fondling. The girls, who were daring enough to have sex before marriage, disgraced their families. The right thing to do was to wait until you marry, before having sex.
Shortly before her death, she had vivid hallucinations about her fiancé. She told me that he visited her at nights. Her face lit up as she recalled his comforting words to her. His visits were as real to her as I was.
The only time a man touched her was when she had a medical check up from her male doctor. Tragically, she died a virgin. She was 84. She had made a conscious decision to live a celibate life and stay a virgin.
What Is The Big Deal About Being A Virgin?
Virginity is supposed to signify purity and innocence. There’s something sacred and mystical about it. Still, not everyone sees virginity as anything special or worthy of being cherished.
In the UK, some men love the challenge of having sex with a virgin. It’s an ego booster for them, knowing that they were the first one to have had her. These virgin chasers are in a minority, but they are out there regardless. They’re not looking for a wife, just a sexual triumph. It’s something to boast about to their mates. How many women have given in to those smooth talking men, only to regret it the next day?
To be fair though, there is another side to the story. Some women will have sex with men they don’t even have any love for. They do it for the sexual experience and so lose their virginity.
- There’s a difference between how virginity is seen and valued in the UK, compared to some other cultures. In many African traditions, virgins are chased after by rich, eligible bachelors. They love the chase, as men from the UK do too. The difference is their agenda. They want to make sure that the woman they marry is a virgin. Some go as far as employing other women to find the ideal virgin for them. Virgins carry their own exclusive price tags. A virgin is ‘fresh, because no man has gone there before.
- On the other hand, there are some parts of Africa where modern non-Christian or Muslim women don’t attach any worth to their virginity. As long as they’re in a relationship, they see that as the green light for having pre-marital sex.
- There are also the girls who are brought up with the iron rods at home. When they start university they are free from the spying eyes, rules and regulations required by mum and dad. They relish the freedom and seek sex with the boys on campus. Is their society being influenced by the ‘free for all sex’ from other cultures?
- In Kampala, virginity is an asset. Paternal aunts take it upon themselves to educate young girls about keeping themselves pure. Sex education is part of the social curriculum for teenagers. Girls are only allowed to have sex after they marriage. On the wedding night, the relatives wait to see proof of their virginity. They look for blood stains on the sheets. If there is no blood on the sheets, the girl would be punished and humiliated by her family. The tradition is to smear her face with a piece of bark cloth. The in-laws supply the cloth, which is their way of making sure the girl is disgraced for deceiving their son.
If you’re a virgin in the limelight, then you belong to the hall of fame. My friend was a virgin for 83 years, but because she didn’t do anything that brought her recognition, she died a statistic. Probably there are still many virgins like her, which we don’t know about.
In the past, women were proud of their virginity and were publicly recognised for it. Queen Elizabeth 1 chose to stay a virgin because of the power she acquired from ruling England. Queen Elizabeth 1 refused to marry, because she didn’t want to hand over her throne to a man. How many women would make that sacrifice these days?
There was also the heroic Catholic Saint Joan of Arc. She won battles for France through her leadership. She was completing a mission which she felt God had called her to do. She certainly didn’t have any interest in sex. Joan was cruelly burnt to death at the stake. She was only 19.
Modern Day Virgins
Peer pressure can push you into having sex just to please others. Some friends will do their best to pair you up with a man. They feel sorry for you and want to make you sexually normal! They treat you like virginity is a disease that needs a cure.
Some women consider themselves as odd, because they have never had sex. They feel embarrassed to tell people that they are a virgin, especially in their 20’s, 30’s or even 40’s. Is it freaky to lose your virginity in your 30s or 40s?
A male friend told me that if he met a virgin in her twenties he would wonder what was wrong with her. Another thinks that there is too much hype about virginity. He believes that there is only a small difference between virgins and non-virgins. In his opinion, their inexperience is sometimes seen as boredom in the bedroom.
The night that I lost my virginity wasn’t a happy night for me. I felt used and dirty. After I realised what I had done, I cried. It wasn’t meant to be like that. It wasn’t part of my plans for the night. I went to a friend’s party with my new boyfriend, to dance and enjoy myself. We mingled with our friends for a while, until he ushered me to go somewhere quiet to talk. We ended up in the guest bedroom, away from the loud music and general party noise.
Our conversation eventually stopped and his smooth love talk started. He used that old renowned, conscience tugging saying, ‘if I loved him, I would prove it by having sex with him.’ He packed my head with seductive love dialect. The mixture of that and the alcohol confused my senses. He managed to convince me that sex was the right thing to do.
Sex is gift wrapped up and offered as an enticing parcel. It’s there to tempt you in all shapes and guises. We’re in a society where it’s as normal to have premarital sex, as it is to brush your teeth.
It seems that teenage girls can’t wait to taste the forbidden fruit. But do they see it as forbidden? Who is teaching them about the innocence and purity of being a virgin? Innocence seems like an old-fashioned word, when 9 year old children are taught about sex education at school. Their virtues are stolen and replaced with forced maturity.
The young people of today are our future generation. Who are their role models in this sexually saturated world? Virginity is gradually slipping into history. Soon it will be a word that is only recorded in our dictionary.
Are we raising young women without any sexual values or moral standards? Have we lost the art of cherishing our most sacred gift as a woman? Once we lose it, we can never get it back.
Regrets can’t turn the clock back.
So, is it a freaky to be a virgin? I would love to hear your comments.