If I Could Turn Back the Hands Of Time!
I love falling in love. It makes me feel all snug and warm inside. It’s the best feeling. They say ‘love is blind’ but who cares? Isn’t being blissfully in love all that matters? It’s surely better than being single. But if I could turn back the hands of time, would I?
I met my new man and I was ecstatically happy. Life was great! I walked around with a big grin on my face, sat at my desk at work and daydreamed about him, talked to him on the phone for hours and always looked gorgeous for him. I tonged my hair everyday, painted my nails, applied my best make-up, wore my favourite expensive perfume and dressed like a diva. I felt good and I looked good!
He made me feel like I was on cloud nine. What could go wrong?
Mummy never told me about the other side of love. The dark side! I didn’t know that not all men were nice like my daddy.
Why didn’t I take time to get to know my new man as a friend first? I don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is that I charged head on into a full blown relationship. Excitement got the better of me. The result wasn’t very pretty!
My heart’s been punctured many, many times. It took a long time for me to wake up and smell the coffee!
If and when I decide to go into another relationship, I will make sure that my eyes are WIDE open. Enough of love is blind! That love blindness has led me into a valley of thorns and nettles. Ouch!!
Some of my friends and I have gone down the route of learning the hard way. I’ve wised up to the different types of men out there. I’m going to share with you what I’ve found out, about how to identify the wrong type of man for you.
Let’s look at the ones that come at the top of the list. These are some of the signs you should you look for before you surrender your heart.
- Mr Two Timer – This guy makes you feel like a million dollars. He wines and dines you and buys you lots of presents. He treats you like you’re the best woman on this planet. For the first few weeks or months you feel like you’re in heaven. Everything about him is perfect.
After a while though, you get a feeling that something is wrong. You’re not sure why you feel that way because it’s only a gut feeling.
Then you notice that things begin to change. He’s always busy when he’s supposed to see you. His excuse is that he’s working late or hanging out with his friends or family. When his phone rings, he leaves the room to answer it or hangs up and tells you it’s a wrong number. You smell perfume on him and you know it’s not yours. You find hair on his clothes which is a different colour or texture to yours. He’s always chatting on Facebook, but logs off when you come into the room.
His character has changed for being calm and patient to snappy and moody. Down the line you find out from a family member that he also cheated on his ex.
If you see any of these signs and get that feeling in your gut that he’s cheating on you, he probably is. A woman’s instinct is usually right.
- Mr Liar – He tells you fantastic stories about his life to impress you. This guy is so smooth! He woos you with tales about his great accomplishments. He may even believe the lies he’s telling you. He knows he’s lying but finds it hard to stop. He’s probably got low self-esteem and lies to boost his ego.
Some of the signs to look out for are that he fidgets when talking to you, touches his mouth and face, can’t look you in the eyes and look downwards when speaking to you. He sometimes hesitates or stutters before answering questions. He may need this time to think up another lie.
He may get defensive when you question him. Sometimes he can’t give you a simple straight answer. He mixes the truth with to build credibility. He finds it hard to make a commitment because he usually gets found out. He gets dumped and starts all over again with another unsuspecting love thirsty woman.
- Mr User – Initially he sweeps you off your feet but his attention doesn’t last for long. His game plan is to take advantage of you and leave you.
What are the signs? He doesn’t make much effort to get to know you properly. He keeps putting off meeting your friends or family. He’s more interested in being alone with you. He’s very eager to rush you into having a sexual relationship.
He hardly ever takes you out. He’s in no hurry to introduce you to his friends or family. You hear about them but never meet them. He doesn’t put himself out to please you. You seem to be hidden in a private section of his life. He’s more than happy to just spend time with you at your place or his.
He doesn’t buy you chocolates or flowers. But he will splash out and buy you sexy lingerie to try and seduce you. His ultimate goal is to get you into bed.
He’s not always affectionate and doesn’t show much concern for your feelings. He’s more interested in talking about himself instead of finding out about you. He doesn’t talk about commitment or your future together. When you raise the topic, he changes it. He has no interest in settling down with you.
He hardly text, email or call you. You seem to be the one chasing after him and he’s always unavailable. He wants everything on his terms and puts his needs above yours. If your man is showing these signs, maybe you should evaluate your relationship.
- Mr Unavailable – This man will say all the right things, do all the right things, press the right buttons and make you feel extra special. He’s usually married, in a committed relationship or is emotionally unavailable. If he’s married or in a relationship, he’ll treat you like a princess. He’s looking for someone to give him what he feels is missing in his relationship or marriage.
If his marriage or relationship is going through some stuff, he’s probably looking for an escape. As long as you’re available, willing to play the game and don’t ask too many questions, he’ll hang around.
An emotionally unavailable man will sweep you off your feet. The sad thing though, is that he has no intention of settling down with you.
What are some of the signs of Mr Unavailable? He usually comes to visit you late at nights. Sometimes you don’t hear from him for days or even weeks. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family. He always promises that he will do so one day soon. That day never comes. When you call him at nights his phone is switched off.
He’s always talking about his ex or comparing you to her. It seems that he still has her on a pedestal and is more than likely still seeing her.
The married one may complain about how his wife doesn’t understand him and how he wished he had met you first. He may even promise to leave her for you.
Sometimes he spends an unusual amount of time with you, but then suddenly turns in Mr Mystery and disappears. You don’t know where he is because he doesn’t call and you can’t get him on the phone.
Your mind is a mass of confusion and you don’t know whether you’re coming or going. One minute he’s all over you. The next he acts like he doesn’t know you.
He may have a string of girlfriends but won’t commit to any of them.
If you find yourself in this type of relationship, you may have to decide if you want to be on the roller coaster ride it brings.
- Mr Angry –I was in a relationship with a Mr Angry so I’ve got first-hand experience of his temper tantrums. When we first met I was blown away by his cool personality. He was extremely handsome, had a great physique and was intelligent. He was absolutely perfect. He was caring, loving, generous, patient, calm, affectionate and very helpful. Whatever I wanted, he would do for me.
One day, out of nowhere, he suddenly switched. I found myself living with a split personality person. He would get angry at anything that didn’t please him. The first incident was triggered because I told his mum about an argument we had. He was really angry with me for telling her, that he slapped me. That was my first taste of his anger. It shocked me! Anyway, I accepted his apology and carried on with the relationship.
Things got worse and he had frequent outbursts of anger. When he got mad, He punched and kicked the doors. One day he even punched a mirror, smashed it and cut his hand in the process. When we argued he would lock me in the house and hide my keys so I couldn’t get out. He took his frustrations out on my daughters and shouted at them. He even resorted to pushing one of the neighbours, who knocked our door to borrow something.
His language was foul and abusive. He didn’t want to share my company with others and got angry when friends or family visited. He was totally possessive and controlling.
He wanted my undivided attention at all time. When his male friends visited, he would get angry with me after they left, just because I spoke and laughed with them.
He was always apologetic afterwards but the physical and emotional abuse continued. He couldn’t control his emotions. I was a bag of nerves. I had to end the relationship because I got scared of him.
The warning signs were there from the early into the relationship. I ignored them because I wanted to be with him so much and I loved him.
This type of relationship is extremely dangerous. If you find yourself with Mr Angry, you need to take note of the warning signs. Only you can make the decision whether to seek help or not.
You should value yourself as a woman and not rush into a relationship, simply because you don’t want to be alone. Being single should be seen as something positive. It gives you a chance to really get to know you, to develop your strengths and character and improve your clarity of thought.
Spending time with yourself and loving yourself will help to develop your assertiveness. It will put you in a better place to attract the right type of man into your life.
You shouldn’t lower your standards or settle for just anyone. You could live to regret it. Be proud of who you are as a woman, value yourself, find happiness from within, be patient and enjoy the single life until Mr Right comes along.
Heartache is a sad, lonely motel that no one wants to enter!
Have you been in a relationship with any of the men mentioned in this article? Please share your thoughts in the comments box. Also, share the love on Facebook and Twitter.