A Strong Woman is a Beautiful Woman

How to Forgive Your Abuser and Reclaim the Power

How to Forgive Your Abuser and Reclaim the Power

By in Abuse, Woman's Challenges | 18 comments

One of the most difficult things to do is forgive someone who hurt you and rip your world apart. Especially when their role is to love you, protect you and care for you.

Instead, they inflict your body with physical agony. Moreover, penetrate your heart with pain that hooks itself inside the core of your being.


When forgiveness seems impossible

A few years ago, if anyone told me to forgive my abusers I would tell them to get lost. As far as I was concerned, they didn’t deserve it. To me, forgiving them was like saying they had a right to abuse me.

If you can relate to what I’m saying you probably have anger bubbling inside of you. I know the feeling. I’ve been there, many times.

Perhaps you’ve asked yourself these questions…

Did I deserve to be slapped, beaten, kicked or used as a punching bag?

Did I deserve to be cheated on?

Did I deserve to be called humiliating, offensive, nasty names?

Did I deserve to be made to feel insignificant that I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide?

Did I deserve to be forced to have sex?

And the list goes on…

No one is perfect. We do and say things that ultimately upset each other. However, that is no excuse for your man to suddenly wake up one day and start a trend of abusing you.

The first slap across your face, punches, kicks, verbal viciousness or whatever else is always a shock to your system. It’s not something you expect from the man who claims he loves you.

Nevertheless, it is happening millions of times, worldwide. As you’re reading this, uncountable women are going through one form of abuse or another. I just pray they will not end up a victim. Life is extremely fragile. One slap, kick or punch could end it.


The only way to take your power back is to forgive

I strongly believe by not forgiving, you are not in control. Your abuser still has power over you. Whereas, if you forgive them, not only are you back in control of your life, you will also find peace.

Along with peace, comes hope for a positive change. That hope could bring a restored future.

Still, it starts with forgiveness.

You’ve probably collected a lot of toxic junk from what your abuser did to you. It’s bottled-up in your system in the form of bitterness, hate, anger, resentment, depression or something else. Unless you’ve released those soul-destroying toxins, they’re rooted deep down inside.

Yet, you may have a clever way of hiding your frustrations and hurt. Friends and family who don’t know your history or love story, thinks you’ve got it all together. You look happy on the outside. However, only you know how you feel. Only you know how the agony is slowly eating away your joy, self-esteem, and well-being.

Usually, people cannot tell what you’re hiding or covering up. They can’t see it on your face. Even though, discerning people will be able to see the pain in your eyes – the window to your soul.

Holding on to the junk will make you sick, eventually. So, what’s the solution? One vital step is to forgive and find peace, in due course.


Unforgiveness fuels sickness

When you nurse poisonous feelings, they can manifest physically and become arthritis, cancer, heart disease, migraine, ulcers and other stress related sicknesses. That’s because you’ve tangled yourself in a web of damaging, toxic emotions.

In addition, by not forgiving your abuser you are holding them (emotionally) captive as well as yourself. Imagine being in a prison and not realizing you hold the keys to the door. You have the power to free yourself. You are in charge of deciding whether to forgive or not. By choosing to forgive, you release yourself from them, mentally.


This is an extract from a chapter in my autobiography and self-help book, Deep Within my Soul: Hope after Abuse”, available on Amazon now. The book is an open account of abuse, betrayal, rejection, heartbreak, writing poems, finding God, case studies and much more. 


Over to you…

  • Have you been abused and did you forgive your abuser?
  • How did it feel to forgive them?
  • Would you encourage others to forgive their abuser/s?


Share this article with other women who need to move forward with their lives after abuse. There is hope for a better future. Share it on Facebook with friends and family and tweet it to your followers on Twitter. Thank you. 🙂


About June

June Whittle is the founder of Miraculous Ladies, an author, freelance copywriter and professional blogger for hire. She works with small businesses, bloggers and individuals. She is also an author of a self-help and autobiography book “Deep Within my Soul: Hope after abuse”. Miraculous means extraordinary and Lady is a polite or formal way of referring to an amazing woman. That's you. You're a beautiful, strong, incredible, dynamic and powerful woman. Live your dreams. "If you can dream it, you can do it." ~ Walt Disney


  1. Forgiving those who abused me, maybe still do… hmm this is one of the best things that happened to me. Above all else, I forgave myself for any direct and indirect contribution on my part… wow it’s all been so soul searching, heart healing and really releasing… To God be the Glory… Oh Junie, I dare say I am a strong and powerful woman and so are you all the Glory of our Almighty Father

    Marie Abanga Marie Abanga


    • Marie, thanks for sharing your thoughts. For me too, forgiving my abusers changed my life dramatically. It wasn’t an overnight process. It took years to release them from my mind, which controlled me by my negative thoughts.

      Although I wasn’t with my abusers anymore, they were still present in my life emotionally – lodged securely in my thoughts. And still caused me heartache. What I didn’t realise was that I was doing that to myself by not forgiving them. They were getting on with their lives, while I was stuck in the prison of my mind. But as soon as I forgave them and myself, I took the power back. Peace replaced anxiety and pain.

      Yes Marie, we are indeed strong powerful women. We’ve been through the fire but God sustained us and brought us through. He deserves all the glory. 🙂

      June June


  2. Indeed, this article has inspired me to forgive others. Thank you very much June



    • I’m glad it inspired you to forgive others Atigate. Forgiveness is one of the best things you can do in life, so as not to carry around negative baggage which could have a bad impact on your well-being and other relationships.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. 🙂

      June June


  3. its very wonderful article
    thanks for sharing

    vikas pv pv


    • You’re welcome and thank you for your comment.

      June June


  4. Great job you have done here June. I appreciate your thoughts as well as your way to saying. It’s inspired me a lot to change my life.

    Thanks for the insightful.

    Dhaval Parmar


    • I’m glad to hear my article has helped you. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

      June June


  5. Dear I came to build backlinks but I cried seeing this post because I am an abuser but most of the time I lose temper and because of the fear of losing my girlfriend I does it. I know it is shameful to abuse a girl who don’t have strength like a guy but sometimes the monster inside me takes charge of me for which I regret later. I love her the most in the world after my mom but then also I end up beating her. She has given me chances because she knows I love her a lot and I am loyal to her. But this time she is stern and tells she don’t love me but when she left to her home for holidays I saw her keeping the teddy I gifted close to her heart. Now she tells she don’t love me but she is not yet in a relationship. Now its high time only 1 semester left. If you know what I should do to get charge of my mind and to kill the monster inside me please help me out.

    Midhun Suresh


    • Thanks for opening up about how you treat your girlfriend. Admitting you’re an abuser is the first step towards changing the situation. You are already aware that you’re hurting your girlfriend physically and emotionally. So, next time you lose your temper and want to hit her, think about what you are doing and the damage it’s costing both of you. Love is about caring not about hurting. And I can see you are hurting too.

      I’m not a therapist or counsellor so I can’t give you professional advice. I think you should see a professional who can help you deal with the abuse issues you have. Also, maybe you would like to read my book to see how abuse damages the person being abused. This might make you think twice in the future before you hit your girlfriend or another woman. Also, the book has lots of useful advice that could help you and your girlfriend. You can get my book from Amazon. Here is the link: http://amzn.to/2hpBkS7

      June June


  6. Fruitful article with motivational info! Keep it up!

    Mark Ronson


  7. Thanks for sharing mam …… 🙂



    • You’re welcome Salena. Thanks for stopping by and reading.

      Have a good week. 🙂

      June June


  8. Forgiving is one of the most hardest things. But if you can do it, you will get serenity for your soul. Thanks for sharing this!

    David Vu


    • Some of the hardest things to do in life are the best things for us. Thanks for your comment.

      June June


  9. Thanks for sharing this post. Great post.



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