How to Forgive Your Abuser and Reclaim the Power
One of the most difficult things to do is forgive someone who hurt you and rip your world apart. Especially when their role is to love you, protect you and care for you.
Instead, they inflict your body with physical agony. Moreover, penetrate your heart with pain that hooks itself inside the core of your being.
When forgiveness seems impossible
A few years ago, if anyone told me to forgive my abusers I would tell them to get lost. As far as I was concerned, they didn’t deserve it. To me, forgiving them was like saying they had a right to abuse me.
If you can relate to what I’m saying you probably have anger bubbling inside of you. I know the feeling. I’ve been there, many times.
Perhaps you’ve asked yourself these questions…
Did I deserve to be slapped, beaten, kicked or used as a punching bag?
Did I deserve to be cheated on?
Did I deserve to be called humiliating, offensive, nasty names?
Did I deserve to be made to feel insignificant that I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide?
Did I deserve to be forced to have sex?
And the list goes on…
No one is perfect. We do and say things that ultimately upset each other. However, that is no excuse for your man to suddenly wake up one day and start a trend of abusing you.
The first slap across your face, punches, kicks, verbal viciousness or whatever else is always a shock to your system. It’s not something you expect from the man who claims he loves you.
Nevertheless, it is happening millions of times, worldwide. As you’re reading this, uncountable women are going through one form of abuse or another. I just pray they will not end up a victim. Life is extremely fragile. One slap, kick or punch could end it.
The only way to take your power back is to forgive
I strongly believe by not forgiving, you are not in control. Your abuser still has power over you. Whereas, if you forgive them, not only are you back in control of your life, you will also find peace.
Along with peace, comes hope for a positive change. That hope could bring a restored future.
Still, it starts with forgiveness.
You’ve probably collected a lot of toxic junk from what your abuser did to you. It’s bottled-up in your system in the form of bitterness, hate, anger, resentment, depression or something else. Unless you’ve released those soul-destroying toxins, they’re rooted deep down inside.
Yet, you may have a clever way of hiding your frustrations and hurt. Friends and family who don’t know your history or love story, thinks you’ve got it all together. You look happy on the outside. However, only you know how you feel. Only you know how the agony is slowly eating away your joy, self-esteem, and well-being.
Usually, people cannot tell what you’re hiding or covering up. They can’t see it on your face. Even though, discerning people will be able to see the pain in your eyes – the window to your soul.
Holding on to the junk will make you sick, eventually. So, what’s the solution? One vital step is to forgive and find peace, in due course.
Unforgiveness fuels sickness
When you nurse poisonous feelings, they can manifest physically and become arthritis, cancer, heart disease, migraine, ulcers and other stress related sicknesses. That’s because you’ve tangled yourself in a web of damaging, toxic emotions.
In addition, by not forgiving your abuser you are holding them (emotionally) captive as well as yourself. Imagine being in a prison and not realizing you hold the keys to the door. You have the power to free yourself. You are in charge of deciding whether to forgive or not. By choosing to forgive, you release yourself from them, mentally.
This is an extract from a chapter in my autobiography and self-help book, “Deep Within my Soul: Hope after Abuse”, available on Amazon now. The book is an open account of abuse, betrayal, rejection, heartbreak, writing poems, finding God, case studies and much more.
Over to you…
- Have you been abused and did you forgive your abuser?
- How did it feel to forgive them?
- Would you encourage others to forgive their abuser/s?
Share this article with other women who need to move forward with their lives after abuse. There is hope for a better future. Share it on Facebook with friends and family and tweet it to your followers on Twitter. Thank you. 🙂