“I hate you!” She screamed angrily. “I wish I’d never met you. I want you of my life.” Hurriedly, she raced down the stairs. Slamming the front door, she ran to find comfort in her hiding place, the park. She snuggled up underneath the huge old oak tree. Her pent-up emotions exploded in a gush of tears.
Nothing can destroy a potentially wonderful relationship faster than when love turns to hate.
Love is a wonderful, sensuous emotion. On the other hand, hate stirs up hostility and anger. But when love is equally shared, you can usually find solutions to your problems. In fact, challenges or adversities when worked on together, can actually draw you closer. And in time you could have a great relationship.
However, if you love your partner and they don’t love you, you need to decide if that’s where you want to be. Staying in a love hate relationship is a roller-coaster of explosive, negative emotions. That is not !
What are the love-hate signs?
As I said in my previous articles ‘The Dangers of Being in a Love Hate Relationship – Part 1 & 2” there’s a thin line between love and hate. When you’re caught up in that emotional chaos, can you recognise the love-hate signs?
- Control and manipulation – Does your partner hate it when you use your own initiatives? He will tell you what you should do, who to see and constantly call you when you’re out. Sometimes, he won’t allow you to see your friends and get angry if you do. To punish you, he’ll stop being nice to you when you upset him. So, you’re always on your best behaviour to please him.
- Jealousy – One of my ex partner drove my friends and family away. If he saw them in our flat when he came home from work, he’d get annoyed and slam his keys down on the table. Instead of talking to them, he went into the bedroom to sit alone. They felt uncomfortable with his actions and gradually stopped visiting. Jealousy can make your man angry when other men look at you. He may even accuse you of leading them on.
- Emotional abuse – Does he put you down by telling you that you’re worthless, ugly, and stupid? And you don’t deserve him or no other man would want you? After upsetting you he may buy you presents and flowers to keep you sweet. If he does that often enough, you will start to believe the lies he tells you. It could get to a point where you feel that you’re not good enough for him.
- Physical abuse – Does he hit you when he’s angry or drunk and tell you it was your fault? Does he put the blame on you saying you drove him to it? Or maybe hit you, apologise and promise that he won’t do it again. That is, until the next time!
Love is more powerful than hate.
“We’re heading for something. Somewhere I’ve never been. Sometimes I am frightened. But I’m ready to learn, of the power of love.” Celine Dion – The Power of Love.
It wasn’t hate that brought you together, it was love. It was love that made your heart beat fast when you first met. It was passion, excitement and fireworks that sparked in your hearts.
Your love didn’t turn to hate overnight. It’s changed over time.
So, how do you rekindle that wonderful connection you shared when you first met, before hate came into the picture?
- Focus on the positive parts of your character.
- Respect each other and don’t criticise and throw blame around.
- Be patient and use wisdom to resolve issues in your relationship.
- Forgive easily and don’t hold grudges. If you do the bad feelings will linger between you.
- Understand that no one is perfect. You both have faults that need to be worked at.
- Keep on loving and working at your relationship by being committed. It won’t be easy. But do it right and the efforts will pay off.
Love can overcome most hateful behaviours in a relationship. If you can’t work out your problems together, seek advice from a professional relationship coach or marriage guidance counsellor. They have the necessary skills, knowledge and resources to help you mend your love hate relationship.
But if you’re living with domestic violence, you should get help. There are organisations that can help you including, and Women’s Aid. You can also get help and support from the . Whenever you feel that you’re in danger dial 999.
“If you found this article helpful, please read part 1 and 2 of The Dangers of Being in a Love Hate Relationship.”
Photo credit: Salvatore Vuono
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