The Dangers of Being in a Love Hate Relationship – Part 1
‘It’s a thin line between love and hate.’ B B Seaton sang those haunting words in one of his songs. Falling in love is deliciously overpowering. Life takes on new meaning. But do you really know the person you’re falling in love with? Sometimes the revelation is a shocking eye-opener! Consequently, you find yourself entangled in the love-hate conflicts of the heart.
If you’ve ever fallen in love, you’ll agree with me that it’s one of the most pleasurable, intoxicating experiences. You go through a range of emotions from feeling wildly excited, deliriously happy to getting butterfly tingle in your stomach. You may even feel like you’ve died and gone to heaven. Love is so sweet. You’re caught up in the rapture. At this vulnerable stage it’s difficult to see your partner for who they are.
World of fantasy
Sarah Litvinoff, a Relate Counsellor explains further on how love can alter our judgement. “This highly charged state leads to a distorted perception of your loved one and even of yourself. Until this stage passes, your love has not yet left the world of fantasy. Your image of your loved one is so powerful that it is easy to ignore or simply not see the ordinary parts of his or her character that are disturbing.”
However, as a relationship progresses, reality is sure to set in.
The perfect nightmare
With a couple of disastrous relationships behind her, Mary still had hopes of meeting Mr Right. “When I met Marvin, I couldn’t believe my luck. He had all the qualities that I was looking for. I thought he was my ideal man.”
Initially, their first six months together were idyllic. Mary couldn’t have been happier.
However, as she started to feel comfortable with the relationship, Marvin began to change towards her.
“His personality switched from Mr nice guy to Mr nasty. He became overbearing, aggressive and jealous. As if that wasn’t enough, he dished out verbal abuse as well. When he opened his mouth, out came the most nasty and offensive words.”
Her feelings were like a roller coaster. Anger, emotional pain and resentment towards Marvin kicked in. But her fear of confronting him gave Marvin the power to take control of her life.
They were both passionate about playing games, until the night Marvin shocked her.
“We were playing a game of wrestling. Out of the blue, Marvin suddenly punched me in the chest with such a strong force, it knocked the breath out of me. It stunned me but I carried on. I playfully punched him back. He was furious. He grabbed me and forcefully pressed his elbow across my neck. For a few seconds I couldn’t breathe.”
That frightening experience highlighted the nastiness of his character.
Confusion filled Mary’s head. “Some days I loved him and other days I hated him.”
His violence and disrespect continued. She tried to end the relationship three times. However, she kept giving in to his pleads to take him back.
But his unpredictable behaviour spoilt their relationship. Hate and anger overshadowed Mary’s love for Marvin . For her own sanity, safety and dignity, she decided to leave him.
Marvin’s temper exploded when she told him her decision. He went into a frenzy at her flat. In between the punches and slaps, he bombarded her with verbal insults and threats. He also smashed most of her furniture.
It didn’t stop there. He went outside to her parked car, punctured all four tyres and shattered the windows.
His dangerous actions forced Mary to go into hiding after that incident. He was still mad at her.
“Marvin used and abused me. He didn’t really love me. I fell head-over-heels for Marvin shortly after we met. I really thought he felt the same about me. He was the perfect partner at first. I fooled myself into thinking he was right for me. Until I saw the real Marvin. In the end I felt only hate towards the man I once loved so much.”
A year after they broke up, Mary was still afraid of seeing Marvin. She had nightmares about him sneaking into her bedroom. Sometimes she woke up in a cold sweat.
Mary sold her car. She moved twice to get as far away as possible from Marvin. Unfortunately, she couldn’t run away from her memories.
“If you enjoyed this article, read the next post in this series. ‘The Dangers of Being in a Love Hate Relationship – Part 2‘
Photo by Nuttaki
Have you been in a love hate relationship? How did you deal with it?