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The Dangers of Being in a Love Hate Relationship – Part 1

The Dangers of Being in a Love Hate Relationship – Part 1

By in Relationships | 6 comments

It’s a thin line between love and hate.’ B B Seaton sang those haunting words in one of his songs. Falling in love is deliciously overpowering. Life takes on new meaning. But do you really know the person you’re falling in love with? Sometimes the revelation is a shocking eye-opener! Consequently, you find yourself entangled in the love-hate conflicts of the heart.

If you’ve ever fallen in love, you’ll agree with me that it’s one of the most pleasurable, intoxicating experiences. You go through a range of emotions from feeling wildly excited, deliriously happy to getting butterfly tingle in your stomach. You may even feel like you’ve died and gone to heaven. Love is so sweet. You’re caught up in the rapture. At this vulnerable stage it’s difficult to see your partner for who they are.

World of fantasy

Sarah Litvinoff, a Relate Counsellor explains further on how love can alter our judgement. “This highly charged state leads to a distorted perception of your loved one and even of yourself. Until this stage passes, your love has not yet left the world of fantasy. Your image of your loved one is so powerful that it is easy to ignore or simply not see the ordinary parts of his or her character that are disturbing.”

However, as a relationship progresses, reality is sure to set in.

The perfect nightmare

With a couple of disastrous relationships behind her, Mary still had hopes of meeting Mr Right. “When I met Marvin, I couldn’t believe my luck. He had all the qualities that I was looking for. I thought he was my ideal man.”

Initially, their first six months together were idyllic. Mary couldn’t have been happier.

However, as she started to feel comfortable with the relationship, Marvin began to change towards her.

“His personality switched from Mr nice guy to Mr nasty. He became overbearing, aggressive and jealous. As if that wasn’t enough, he dished out verbal abuse as well. When he opened his mouth, out came the most nasty and offensive words.”

Her feelings were like a roller coaster. Anger, emotional pain and resentment towards Marvin kicked in. But her fear of confronting him gave Marvin the power to take control of her life.

They were both passionate about playing games, until the night Marvin shocked her.

“We were playing a game of wrestling. Out of the blue, Marvin suddenly punched me in the chest with such a strong force, it knocked the breath out of me. It stunned me but I carried on. I playfully punched him back. He was furious. He grabbed me and forcefully pressed his elbow across my neck. For a few seconds I couldn’t breathe.”

That frightening experience highlighted the nastiness of his character.

Confusion filled Mary’s head. “Some days I loved him and other days I hated him.”

His violence and disrespect continued. She tried to end the relationship three times. However, she kept giving in to his pleads to take him back.

But his unpredictable behaviour spoilt their relationship. Hate and anger overshadowed Mary’s love for Marvin . For her own sanity, safety and dignity, she decided to leave him.

Marvin’s temper exploded when she told him her decision. He went into a frenzy at her flat. In between the punches and slaps, he bombarded her with verbal insults and threats. He also smashed most of her furniture.

It didn’t stop there. He went outside to her parked car, punctured all four tyres and shattered the windows.

His dangerous actions forced Mary to go into hiding after that incident. He was still mad at her.

“Marvin used and abused me. He didn’t really love me. I fell head-over-heels for Marvin shortly after we met. I really thought he felt the same about me. He was the perfect partner at first. I fooled myself into thinking he was right for me. Until I saw the real Marvin. In the end I felt only hate towards the man I once loved so much.”

A year after they broke up, Mary was still afraid of seeing Marvin. She had nightmares about him sneaking into her bedroom. Sometimes she woke up in a cold sweat.

Mary sold her car. She moved twice to get as far away as possible from Marvin. Unfortunately, she couldn’t run away from her memories.

“If you enjoyed this article, read the next post in this series. ‘The Dangers of Being in a Love Hate Relationship – Part 2

Photo by Nuttaki

Have you been in a love hate relationship? How did you deal with it?

 

June

About June

June Whittle is the founder of Miraculous Ladies, an author, freelance copywriter and professional blogger for hire. She works with small businesses, bloggers and individuals. She is also an author of a self-help and autobiography book “Deep Within my Soul: Hope after abuse”. Miraculous means extraordinary and Lady is a polite or formal way of referring to an amazing woman. That's you. You're a beautiful, strong, incredible, dynamic and powerful woman. Live your dreams. "If you can dream it, you can do it." ~ Walt Disney

    6 Comments

  1. Girl, this is so spot on!!! Love can be great, but mostly it’s awful! It’s so rare to find someone with mutal feelings with someone else. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I was with a man for 3 years that I swore I “loved” him way more than he did me. I was also with a guy for 8 months that fell for me so hard that I ran away. I refused to string him along like my ex did to me. I love this.
    Jax recently posted..Dinner Date DisastersMy Profile

    Jax

    11/04/2012

    • This is somebody’s story. I researched for this article and will be writing it in three parts because it involves three people who went through emotional and physical abuse. Love can easily turn to hate, and I know because I’ve been there myself. You’re so right, it is hard to find a man that you can share mutual feelings with. But they’re out there. Hopefully one day the right one will come along for you and me! 🙂

      junie junie

      11/04/2012

  2. I agree with Jax that love can be great but sometimes it is awful. Their can be certain times that we all experience love-hate relationship and we all know that being in this situation is not as good as what we have thought. It’s been how many years since I was in a relationship and I can see that once you hate but love someone people are not the same as what we have. Thanks for sharing this wonderful thought about relationship. Maybe I can use it when I’m ready to be in relationship again.
    TracyAnn0312 recently posted..אתר מותאם לסלולרMy Profile

    TracyAnn0312

    17/04/2012

    • TracyAnn, love is great when you’re with the right person. Although in the beginning you may think you’ve met your ideal partner, after the lovey-dovey stage wears off, a lot of people are left regretting giving their hearts. It’s best to go in with your eyes wide open and not let your heart control you. Easier said than done, but it’s better than getting hurt!

      junie junie

      18/04/2012

      • I do agree with you that love is good when you are in the right person but sometimes obstacles can test your relationship. But I think that I will contradict what they have said because it is not a regret when you love someone, it is just helping you test how to your patience in waiting the right person. Thanks for taking your time reply in my comment.
        TracyAnn0312 recently posted..accessories for glockMy Profile

        TracyAnn0312

        25/06/2012

        • TracyAnn I don’t mean it’s right to regret loving someone if they love you too. But the person that I wrote about in this article was physically abused and had to go into hiding. Her life was at risk. Sometimes when a woman find herself in that situation, she may regret falling in love with a violent, abusive man. Many women have lost their lives as a result of being in an abusive relationship.

          If you’re with someone who loves you as much as you love them, then you can both work out any obstacles or problems together. Thanks for your comments. 😉

          junie junie

          25/06/2012

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