5 Unhealthy Relationships and How to Fix Them
An unhealthy relationship can break you down. If you’re in one, you have two choices. Fix it yourself or get professional help.
When you’re unhappy, every part of your being suffers. A messed-up relationship can make you a physical and emotional wreck.
So how do you turn your unhealthy relationship into a healthy one? There are steps you can take to sort it out. You’ll have to work through conflicting issues with your partner.
Money – The Root of All Evil?
Money arguments can turn the healthiest relationship into a battlefield. Some of the main reasons why money causes frictions in relationships is because:
- One partner earns more than the other. The person earning more may resent their partner because they have to pay most of the bills. Sometimes they use that power to control the spending habits of the household.
- When there’s not enough money coming in to pay the bills, it causes tension.
- If you’re a spender living with a saver, he may criticize you for wasting money.
- If your partner has a carefree attitude towards money but you worry, it can create conflicts.
Instead of arguing, find a solution. Don’t throw blame around because it adds to the problem.
Sit down together. Work out a budget and make a list of priorities.
Part of the budget should include money for the two of you to spend regular quality time together. It could be a trip to the cinema, enjoying an affordable meal at a local restaurant or just sharing a bottle of wine and watching a DVD at home.
You should decide how often you can afford to treat yourselves.
Love Makes The World Go Round
The intense passion, excitement (can’t get enough of you) butterflies in the stomach feelings you get when you first fall in love do not last. When that feeling fades, the rose-tinted glasses falls off as well.
- Suddenly, it hits you. The intense love bug has gone.
- You’re just a normal everyday couple. And love doesn’t feel like it used to.
- Instead of doing spontaneous fun things together, routines takes over.
- Passion has taken a back seat. You hardly talk to each other.
- Your man hugs you like you’re his sister.
- The words ‘I love you’ hardly gets mentioned between you.
So how can you make your love candle burn again?
Compliment and praise each other often.
Cook a lovely candlelit dinner once a week or month.
Go away for romantic weekends.
Watch comedy films and laugh together. Mutual laughter will keep your relationship exciting. It triggers endorphins which make you feel happy.
Be like little kids again. Do silly things like tickling each other. Get rid of stress and have playful pillow fights.
Take long, leisurely walks in the park together. Hold hands when you walk down the road.
Try to remember why you fell in love with each other. Remember those old magical feelings.
Kiss and hug your man every day and tell him you love him. A friend of mine tried it. Her relationship did a 90-degree turn around (her words). It also boosted their sex life.
Spice up your relationship with fun and excitement again.
You Argue About Anything and Everything
Arguing is not all bad. It’s normal to have different points of views. Only perfect couples agree about everything. Unfortunately, I don’t think they exist.
- If you’re always arguing, have you tried to find out what the problem is? Or do you just argue back?
- Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away either.
A male friend told me that every evening after work; he went home to a messy house. His girlfriend was busy entertaining her friends.
He told her for months that he wasn’t happy. He tried to sort things out with her. Instead of listening or compromising, she carried on doing what she was doing. His resentment towards her attitude built up. They argued every day. The relationship eventually ended.
You can solve arguments. Never go to bed angry . It takes two to argue. Calm down! Go for a walk or leave the room for a while.
Actively listen to each other’s explanation without interrupting. Tell him why you’re upset and how you feel. Don’t scream or shout. Talk about what you can both do to solve problems that are causing arguments. Compromise if you have to.
If the two of you can’t find a solution, you may need to see a relationship coach. Or get professional counselling.
Help! My Sex Life Needs a Boost
When the relationship is fresh you can’t get enough of each other. But after a while, things can get boring in the bedroom.
- It’s the same old, same old stuff.
- He doesn’t excite you anymore.
- Do you force yourself to be in the mood sometimes?
- Do you lay there wishing he would hurry up so that you can go to sleep?
What are you going to do to revive your sex life?
Just because you’ve been together for a while doesn’t mean you must have a boring sex life. You’re the woman. You have the power to ignite some new fire in the bedroom.
Take him to La Senza and get him to buy you some sexy lingerie. Wear them for him.
Why confine sex to the bedroom? Try different rooms in the house. Or better still, book a hotel room for a night of passion. Pretend that you’re new lovers – Mr & Mrs Smith or something.
Light some perfumed candles and put them around the bathroom. Take warm, bubbly baths together.
Play romantic smoochy music. Turn the lights down low and slow dance with your man.
Spend time kissing and hugging each other before making love.
These are just some of the things you can do to spice up your sex life. And keep up a healthy relationship.
You Don’t Spend Quality Time Together
In the beginning, people thought your man was your Siamese twin. Wherever you went he would be there beside you. He couldn’t get enough of your company. He even ignored his best friend to spend time with you.
- Now you feel like you have to book an appointment to see him.
- Your man finishes work. But instead of coming home he goes out with his friends.
- At weekends, he always finds excuses to meet up with them.
- You start to wonder if there’s something wrong with you.
What happened to those wonderful quality times you used to share?
Talk to him. Ask him why he doesn’t want to spend time with you.
If he says there’s a problem in the relationship, work it out together. If you want to get close to him again, plan to spend essential quality time together.
Visit the theatre, go bowling, go away for weekends, or drive down to the coast together. Still, allow him ‘his time‘ with his friends, but make sure you spend quality time together.
Most importantly, though, talk to each other.
Fixing an unhealthy relationship and maintaining a healthy one takes work. You have to show love and support your partner. Communicate with each other. Surprise your man sometimes. Put love notes in secret places like his lunch box, work briefcase, trousers or shirt pockets. Imagine how excited he’ll feel when he finds them. Keep the passion alive. It will strengthen your love for each other.
Can you share any tips that you use to make your relationship work? How do you spend quality time together with your man? I would love to hear your comments.