5 Lies that can Destroy Your Self-Confidence
I’ve been thinking about self-confidence lately. Mainly because it’s something I’ve struggled with for most of my life.
The words self-confidence carries a lot of power. When you have confidence, you’re free from doubt, fear and worthlessness. You believe in yourself and in your abilities.
“I’m like a cat. Throw me up in the air and I’ll always land on my feet. “ ~ Bette Davis.
However, if you lack self-confidence, other people’s words can have a negative effect on your life. And whatever confidence you do have, could easily be damaged.
“Without self-confidence we are as babes in the cradle.” ~ Virginia Woolf.
When I think of a baby in a cradle, I picture a helpless, vulnerable newborn. Depending on others for nurturing. That same dependency could be similar to someone who lacks confidence. They rely on others to build them up and boost their self-esteem. They need constant praise to feel good about themselves.
Why is it so easy for another person to say or do something that knocks your confidence?
Well, if you’re lacking in self-confidence, it’s because you’re insecure, with low self-esteem. Insecurity makes you sensitive. And so, negative remarks or actions will affect you.
This is a story about a beautiful girl, who had low self-confidence. She was one of the most popular girls in her year at school. One evening after school, she was a witness to a dispute between other girls in her year. The next day most of her friends turned against her. Some called her nasty names and others ignored her because she didn’t stop the fight.
Overnight, she went from being the most popular, to the most hated girl in school. To make matters worse, a relationship with her best also ended during that time. And he stopped talking to her.
The rejections made her depressed. She couldn’t deal with it.
When she looked in the mirror, instead of seeing her beauty, she saw ugliness. She felt worthless. She focused on the destructive remarks her friends said about her. She lost all belief in herself. She hated herself. She felt unloved. Ultimately, she tried to take her life.
This is an extreme case of someone’s self-confidence being destroyed. But if you’re an emotionally weak person, other people’s words or actions could have that knock-on effect on you. And it doesn’t matter how beautiful you are.
Here’s a list of lies people can use to destroy your confidence.
I call them lies because they’re other people’s perception of you.
1. You’re ugly
Who sets the standards of beauty? Does being beautiful make you a better person than who society class an ugly person? I don’t think so. Beauty will fade away one day; unless you have plastic surgery. Or you’re blessed with youthful looks.
Maybe you’re the most stunningly beautiful person from outward appearances. And yet, the ugliest from the inside. What matters is how you see yourself. Your substance deep within you. If someone tells you that you’re ugly, don’t believe them. That’s only their opinion.
“Beauty is altogether in the eye of the beholder.” ~ Lew Wallace
That means it depends on what the other person sees as beauty. If you asked ten people to describe a rose, all of their descriptions would differ.
2. You’re useless
Nobody is useless. All of us have something to offer society. Everyone is born with talents. You just need to find out what yours are.
My ex-husband used to call me useless because I couldn’t give him a massage the way he wanted it. On the other hand, he couldn’t cook like I could. You have strengths in areas where others are weak and vice versa.
3. You’re stupid
Each of us has different degrees of intelligence, skills and knowledge. Just because you don’t live up to another person’s expectations doesn’t make you stupid.
When a person calls you stupid, it’s usually because they have some shortcomings of their own.
If you’re a mother and you call your child stupid you’re shaping them into stupid adults. The more you call them stupid, the more they’ll wear and accept that label.
4. You’re a waste of space
This is a classic one that I hear women call their men. And it’s usually because that man isn’t living up to their expectations. Or maybe he’s unemployed and the woman is the one bringing in the money.
She’s angry with him so she resents him. That man, who she once fell in love with, is now a waste of space. What she should do instead, is encourage and support him while he looks for a job.
Telling anyone they’re a waste of space will destroy their self-confidence. And, also make them feel like rubbish.
5. I hate you
These are angry words they’ll usually say in the heat of the moment to hurt you. Mothers and daughters say it to each other. Wives and husbands do the same. In fact, a lot of us are guilty of either saying it to someone or thinking it about them.
If a person has little or no self-confidence, those words could hurt them quite deeply. Whether you mean to say it or not, no one wants to hear that you hate them.
Negative words produce negative results. Feed your self-confidence with positivity. It will make you a balanced person.
Stop believing those lies and secure your confidence.
These are some of the things you can do to build up your self-confidence:
- Renew your mind and see yourself as the beautiful person you are.
- Love yourself.
- Always give thanks for what you’ve got and appreciate yourself.
- Increase your knowledge by learning new skills.
- Smile and laugh a lot. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn to relax, have fun and look on the bright side of life.
- Don’t get annoyed with yourself when you do something wrong. Use your mistakes as lessons to learn from and grow.
- Every morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and say positive affirmations to yourself.
“With the realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world. According to my own experience, self-confidence is very important. That sort of confidence is not a blind one; it is an awareness of one’s own potential. On that basis, human beings can transform themselves by increasing the good qualities and reducing the negative qualities.” ~The Dalai Lama
Becoming confident won’t happen overnight. But you can make it a reality. See yourself as the confident person you dream of being. Then act confident. When you do something repeatedly, it eventually becomes part of you.
Has your self-confidence been affected by anyone? How did you deal with it? Please share your thoughts in the comments box below. Thanks for reading.