Inspiration and Encouragement for Strength and Happiness

5 Lies that can Destroy Your Self-Confidence

5 Lies that can Destroy Your Self-Confidence

By in Personal Development, Self Confidence | 22 comments

I’ve been thinking about self-confidence lately. Mainly because it’s something I’ve struggled with for most of my life.

The words self-confidence carries a lot of power.  When you have confidence, you’re free from doubt, fear and worthlessness. You believe in yourself and in your abilities.

“I’m like a cat. Throw me up in the air and I’ll always land on my feet. “ ~ Bette Davis.

However, if you lack self-confidence, other people’s words can have a negative effect on your life. And whatever confidence you do have, could easily be damaged.

“Without self-confidence we are as babes in the cradle.” ~ Virginia Woolf.

When I think of a baby in a cradle, I picture a helpless, vulnerable newborn. Depending on others for nurturing.  That same dependency could be similar to someone who lacks confidence. They rely on others to build them up and boost their self-esteem. They need constant praise to feel good about themselves.

Why is it so easy for another person to say or do something that knocks your confidence?

Well, if you’re lacking in self-confidence, it’s because you’re insecure, with low self-esteem. Insecurity makes you sensitive. And so, negative remarks or actions will affect you.

This is a story about a beautiful girl, who had low self-confidence. She was one of the most popular girls in her year at school. One evening after school, she was a witness to a dispute between other girls in her year. The next day most of her friends turned against her. Some called her nasty names and others ignored her because she didn’t stop the fight.

Overnight, she went from being the most popular, to the most hated girl in school. To make matters worse, a relationship with her best friend also ended during that time. And he stopped talking to her.

The rejections made her depressed.  She couldn’t deal with it.

When she looked in the mirror, instead of seeing her beauty, she saw ugliness. She felt worthless. She focused on the destructive remarks her friends said about her. She lost all belief in herself. She hated herself. She felt unloved. Ultimately, she tried to take her life.

This is an extreme case of someone’s self-confidence being destroyed. But if you’re an emotionally weak person, other people’s words or actions could have that knock-on effect on you. And it doesn’t matter how beautiful you are.

Here’s a list of lies people can use to destroy your confidence.

I call them lies because they’re other people’s perception of you.

1.   You’re ugly  

Who sets the standards of  beauty? Does being beautiful make you a better person than who society class an ugly person? I don’t think so. Beauty will fade away one day; unless you have plastic surgery. Or you’re blessed with youthful looks.

Maybe you’re the most stunningly beautiful person from outward appearances.  And yet, the ugliest from the inside. What matters is how you see yourself. Your substance deep within you. If someone tells you that you’re ugly, don’t believe them. That’s only their opinion.

“Beauty is altogether in the eye of the beholder.” ~ Lew Wallace

That means it depends on what the other person sees as beauty. If you asked ten people to describe a rose, all of their descriptions would differ.   

2.   You’re useless  

Nobody is useless. All of us have something to offer society. Everyone is born with talents. You just need to find out what yours are.

My ex-husband used to call me useless because I couldn’t give him a massage the way he wanted it. On the other hand, he couldn’t cook like I could. You have strengths in areas where others are weak and vice versa.

3.   You’re stupid  

Each of us has different degrees of intelligence, skills and knowledge. Just because you don’t live up to another person’s expectations doesn’t make you stupid.

When a person calls you stupid, it’s usually because they have some shortcomings of their own.

If you’re a mother and you call your child stupid you’re shaping them into stupid adults. The more you call them stupid, the more they’ll wear and accept that label.

4.   You’re a waste of space  

This is a classic one that I hear women call their men. And it’s usually because that man isn’t living up to their expectations. Or maybe he’s unemployed and the woman is the one bringing in the money.

She’s angry with him so she resents him. That man, who she once fell in love with, is now a waste of space. What she should do instead, is encourage and support him while he looks for a job.

Telling anyone they’re a waste of space will destroy their self-confidence. And, also make them feel like rubbish.

5.   I hate you  

These are angry words they’ll usually say in the heat of the moment to hurt you. Mothers and daughters say it to each other. Wives and husbands do the same. In fact, a lot of us are guilty of either saying it to someone or thinking it about them.

If a person has little or no self-confidence, those words could hurt them quite deeply. Whether you mean to say it or not, no one wants to hear that you hate them.

Negative words produce negative results. Feed your self-confidence with positivity. It will make you a balanced person.

Stop believing those lies and secure your confidence.

These are some of the things you can do to build up your self-confidence:

  • Renew your mind and see yourself as the beautiful person you are.
  • Love yourself.
  • Always give thanks for what you’ve got and appreciate yourself.
  • Increase your knowledge by learning new skills.
  • Smile and laugh a lot. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn to relax, have fun and look on the bright side of life.
  • Don’t get annoyed with yourself when you do something wrong. Use your mistakes as lessons to learn from and grow.
  • Every morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and say positive affirmations to yourself.

“With the realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world. According to my own experience, self-confidence is very important. That sort of confidence is not a blind one; it is an awareness of one’s own potential. On that basis, human beings can transform themselves by increasing the good qualities and reducing the negative qualities.” ~The Dalai Lama

Becoming confident won’t happen overnight. But you can make it a reality. See yourself as the confident person you dream of being. Then act confident. When you do something repeatedly, it eventually becomes part of you.

Has your self-confidence been affected by anyone? How did you deal with it? Please share your thoughts in the comments box below. Thanks for reading.

 

June

About June

June Whittle is the founder of Miraculous Ladies, an author, freelance copywriter and professional blogger for hire. She works with small businesses, bloggers and individuals. She is also an author of a self-help and autobiography book “Deep Within my Soul: Hope after abuse”. Miraculous means extraordinary and Lady is a polite or formal way of referring to an amazing woman. That's you. You're a beautiful, strong, incredible, dynamic and powerful woman. Live your dreams. "If you can dream it, you can do it." ~ Walt Disney

    22 Comments

  1. Well you are right and I think that it is better to follow it in order to have the confidence you have.
    TracyAnn0312 recently posted..home loansMy Profile

    TracyAnn0312

    02/08/2012

    • Confidence plays a major role in our lives. We need to make sure we’re strong and not let others break us down so that it affects our confidence. Thanks TracyAnn. 🙂

      junie junie

      02/08/2012

      • You got my point again Junie. Another thing is that being strong can help you handle different things from the past.
        TracyAnn0312 recently posted..diabetes and adhdMy Profile

        TracyAnn0312

        03/08/2012

        • Yes inner strength is great for handling whatever life throws your way. Every mistake made in the past can be used to strengthen you, but only if you see the positive from that negative situation. My past issues in life has empowered me to improve my present and future life.

          junie junie

          03/08/2012

        • It seems that having the self-confidence can also be part of our inner strength and without it, we can be useless.
          TracyAnn0312 recently posted..תשריMy Profile

          TracyAnn0312

          07/08/2012

        • I wouldn’t say we’re useless without self-confidence, but it helps us in achieving goals in life. Without it, we’re are limited in trying things that we feel are above us. Lack of self-confidence stopped me for many years from pursuing my dream of becoming a teacher. Even during the training process, I was not confident in my self and that made it hard for me to take part in group discussions. That’s my personal experience of being limited by lack of self-confidence. 🙂

          junie junie

          07/08/2012

  2. Lots of great information and inspiration, both of which we all need!

    La Fashion Folie

    09/08/2012

    • It’s good to hear that. Thanks!

      junie junie

      11/08/2012

  3. Great post. Thanks for the sharing usefull information with us.

    Amode World

    09/08/2012

  4. I was more of a confident person when i was younger, did not need praise, hated complements. But after a year of been in a bad relationship and leaving it, i found i became hyper sensitive, need more approval, it was like i did not know my own mind anymore. But this is getting better, over the past year i have gone through a stage where the real me is returning, and a lot of anger with it that says no one will ever treat me like that again. I think i stopped believing in myself before i even entered that relationship, but never again.

    lindsey

    05/01/2013

    • It’s unfortunate but bad relationships can damage our self esteem and take away confidence in ourselves.

      No matter what you go through, always know that you’re special. Never let anyone take away your love for yourself. We are all special but we allow wrong relationships to make us feel like we’re nothing. Don’t believe that lie!

      It’s good to hear that you’re back on form and your confidence has returned. Always stay positive. It’s not easy but if you condition yourself to think good thoughts about yourself, you can do it. 🙂

      junie junie

      11/01/2013

    • Thank you. I love the way you put that. Yes, fear is the enemy of success. Fear can get in the way of our road to success. 🙂

      junie junie

      17/06/2013

  5. Hi June, Many thanks for writing about this topic; it always inspires me. A lot of people find me overwhelming and very confident. However I do admit there are times when I feel inadequate and weak. Today I realized that, it is the child within me that craves and longs for attention. I want to be heard. At my age of 45 I still seek for acknowledgement but have made a promise to myself to work on getting to know, accept and love me more. Thanks again, your brilliant June:-0

    Clover Jean

    29/09/2013

    • It’s great to be confident and a shame that others find you overwhelming because of it. But I’m sure that you’re not the only one who has that feeling of weakness and inadequacy inside.

      Sometimes as adults we crave for the things we didn’t have as children growing up. Therefore, we do things in the hope that it will impress others. But one thing I’ve learned is that you need to be yourself. Do things to please yourself and others will be pleased with you.

      When you really know who you are and love yourself for who you are, you’ll find inner peace. That peace will radiate on the outside of you and will attract the right type of people to you. So just be happy discovering who Clover is and love her more.

      Thanks for this wonderful comment. You’re wonderful and don’t ever think otherwise. 🙂

      junie junie

      29/09/2013

  6. You don’t have to care what someone else says negative about you. They are likely echoing behavior they have encountered and decided it’s the way to act. Nothing about what they say is accurate. You decide what things you let bother you. So decide against it! Be glad to be rid of a sadistic person, keep your eye open for someone who gets you and doesn’t need to hurt you.
    It’s not always easy…we have to remind ourselves what is important.

    paula

    12/02/2015

    • Hi Paula,

      You’re right. We shouldn’t worry about the negative things people say about us. And we need to be strong so that the remarks of other don’t bother us. It’s about being confident and loving ourselves. That way, we will attract the right people into our lives. And I love what you said here, “It’s not always easy…we have to remind ourselves what is important.” You summed it up well.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 🙂

      June June

      14/02/2015

  7. Confidence is difficult. It’s almost the key of everything. I used to be pretty confident and know who I was then I met a guy who became a huge part of my life. He basically strung me along for 4 years and I fell in love with him in that time and became a ‘doormat’, he kept making me believe that maybe one day something would change and I would be good enough. Then he hooked up with my best friend…and decided to move away to Sydney. So at the same time I had feeling of being completely not good enough and worthless and like he was abandoning me as well.
    When someone or something takes your confidence it changes so much about yourself. Suddenly I’m questioning everything about myself and being so negative about every part of me.
    Confidence is important. Confidence gives you strength to be you. I let someone and also a stupid me take that away from myself and I’m scared I will never get it back. But others don’t have to fall into what I did.

    Elyse

    11/01/2016

    • Hi Elyse,

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I understand how you feel because I’ve been in abusive relationships that battered my confidence. When you love someone and they make you feel like rubbish or use you like a doormat or a punching bag, it’s painful. Also, trusting a man who betrays that trust can make you feel less than the woman you are.

      However, please don’t question yourself and stop being negative about every part of you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re not the problem because you didn’t do anything wrong. And you’re not stupid. Love can make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. You can get your confidence back. Love yourself. Value yourself. Appreciate yourself. You are a beautiful person so don’t let his actions mess up your life.

      I’ve been to hell and back in relationships. And at times, I felt like giving up. But I’m glad I didn’t. I worked on my self-esteem by taking time out as a single woman to find out who I am. And not who I represented as somebody’s wife or girlfriend. I needed to get my identity back. And I did. You can too. Please try to rebuild your confidence and live the life you were created to live.

      Use your painful experiences as lessons to grow. Look at yourself in the mirror and love who you see. You are precious. Enjoy the week ahead. 🙂

      June June

      11/01/2016

      • Hi Elyse,
        Try to reflect often to the times you were confident. Remember how it felt and the inside dialogue you had with yourself at that time. Have faith it will come back, it might take longer than you think it should, but it is a good barometer to your emotional health. Find a man who is good for you, and don’t allow yourself to be in harms way anymore, and someday you will look back to this time and see how far you will have gone. Good luck sister, I too still struggle, but each day gets better and better. Paula

        Paula

        11/01/2016

        • Hi Paula,

          Thanks for these encouraging words for Elyse. That’s really kind of you. I pray you will get over your struggles soon.

          Enjoy the evening. 🙂

          June June

          11/01/2016

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